He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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