He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
