New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
where are you?
Hypothermia
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
