She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
