Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
