**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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