C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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