I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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