weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize