He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
