Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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