I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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