a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Barsexuality is the new black.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
