You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize