wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
