I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
