I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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