Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
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