I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
