Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize