Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
what day is it and did you see me today?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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