Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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