Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
