Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
