That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
