Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
