do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
she told me i tasted like america
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
