A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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