Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
3pm strippers are depressing
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My life is pants optional.
Randomize