It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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