No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
