Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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