A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
