Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Randomize
