sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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