i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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