I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
