I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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