I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
