so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
