I just made out with a guy for $7.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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