what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
