I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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