jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
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