I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
