singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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