these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
