You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
