Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
