just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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