it hurts more in the daytime
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
