We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
