I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
