I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
