I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize