from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize