found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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