i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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