Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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