I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
