My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize