I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
