Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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