those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
