Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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