her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
