I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
