Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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