I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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